Friends

I was calling for Tayne earlier. The conversation goes like this.

M : Tayne ....
T : I'm not Tayne.
M : Well then who are you?
T : You can call me Yoda.

LMAO.

Also, the boys keep referring to Siahna as "Cookies and milk" and I can't for the life of me figure out why. They'll walk up to her, pat her on the head, and then go, "Awww, cookies and milk," as if they were saying her name.

Siahna has started standing up from crawling without holding onto anything. She'll stand there for a few seconds and then plop down on her butt. It's cute.

She also keeps transferring all the stuff from the recycling bin into the regular trash bin and it's going to drive me insane.

When she gets frustrated or angry she starts throwing stuff. Example, she just pulled a box out of the recycling and when she stood up her foot was on it. She went to walk away but her foot wouldn't come off the box and she ended up kinda slipping and plopping down on her butt. No big deal. Except she starts whining, grabs the box, and throws it behind her. Then she turns around, grabs it again, and throws it again. Evil box, lol.


( to do : I sucked at my list yesterday )

Yes, indeed. Pictures of birds AND pictures of dogs.

We're upgrading in the world.

( Cute dogs, mulchy beaks! )

Earlier, Tempest said her neck hurt and asked me if she could use the, "Little pink back massager".
"I don't have a back massager."
"The one in your bedroom drawer, mommy!"

... oh. Right. The 'back massager'.

No sweetie and please stay out of mommy and daddy's special drawer.

---

I'm so proud of all we've done with the kids' room and the house this last week, I feel like showing off. Except no one gives a care except us, which just leaves me feeling empty. Drat.
Regardless, we have done a ton of work. The house is starting to look like an adult's home instead of a home infested with children. There are no longer piles of toys all over the livingroom, puzzle pieces stuffed in corners and cars all over the floor just waiting to be slipped on. We have an entire bookshelf to ourselves - full of books! No toys! We managed to clear Xan's clothes out of our room, as well. The difference is incredible.
There's a certain feeling of amazement when you reclaim your living space as "toy free". I don't think we've had a room that looked like this since we were married.
It suddenly made me realize that we've never spent a night away from the kids since Tempest was born. Seven and a half years. One of these days we need a trusted overnight babysitter (and a bunch of money) and have an honest-to-god date night.

We're alarmingly short on money for the holidays, so there's been a mad dash to the finish line to find some gifts for the family. Getting my brother to go halfsies on an expensive gift for mom was no problem, as he's always trying to edge his way into doing that with me seeing as he can't admit he doesn't spend enough time with her to have any clue what she wants.
I'm getting her two things: a thorough maid service that will deep clean and help her organize her place from top to bottom, and a spa day with massage and aromatherapy, et all. None of this is paid for yet, as it's by far the most expensive. We're working on it.

Brother emailed me and asked if I can take a picture of us together seeing as the last professional image we have of the two of us was from Christmas of 1990. I guess that's his gift.

Curtis and I don't often do major gifts for each other, so I'm getting a bunch of cool plugs (ears) and then planning on a frazzled last minute search for something more appropriate. His birthday is the day before Yule and we're going out to dinner together using his credit for a free evening that he gets as an employee of the hotel/restaurant. It's half cheap (Because we can't afford a nice dinner) and half nice (because it is the best hotel in the city and their kitchen is top rated). However, it does get weird when every little waitress comes by to be cute and say hello when we're trying to have a romantic evening.
(Curtis is forever the "relationship guy" wherever he goes because his workmates always think he's gay - so his female coworkers are always taking him aside and crying about their boyfriends, asking for advice... he becomes that safety guy that they all want to talk to. I find this hilarious because he is the least likely person to give advice, is painfully shy, and always ends up coming home looking like a lost puppy.)

Tempest is getting a really lovely Berenguer baby doll with a crafted doll bed and stroller; complete with clothes and bedding that we're making from crochet and knit projects. Curtis is doing the blanket now.

Xan... we're still not sure on. You'd think he'd be easy but he's not.

Tempest and Xan together are getting an Invent-a-Tent set. I am so freaking excited about it. Dad is also making them a bunk bed with built in shelving.

Marika has a beautiful piece of custom-made jewelry and some books, but I'd still like to get her more.

At the same time I'm attempting to knit two bags and a few pairs of socks as additional gifts. This is not going well.

The last major obstacle are the stocking stuffers and little things. In our family it's tradition to stuff the stockings with a lot of stupid toiletries (mini shampoos, samples, tissue paper, et all) along with silly toys and candy like Jacob's ladder, Terry Chocolate Orange, those little pocket mazes with the tiny sliver balls...
Mom used to hit Chinatown for this stuff and come back with buckets of random stuff.

I'm so out of sorts for the holidays. Even though I'm having an easier time in some ways, in others it feels a little like my perfectly sealed bucket of mental health is starting to spring leaks. I spent most of yesterday and today paralyzed with mysterious panic attacks that seemed to have absolutely no trigger at all. No amount of self-searching is leading me to find any reason other than, "Gee, it must be the holidays".

At the very least, the mania is making me creative: I've stayed up all night long the last week to edit a huge amount of client sessions, written lists of inspirational business notes, ideas, and started revamping my marketing for the new year.

---

Some more client pictures. ( Read more... )



Links of the day:
Twilight, Disney and the purity myth - a very interesting (if too short!) essay on the obsession of virginity, and how it subjugates (young) women's sexuality.

let's just take a moment to talk about Sonic. Sonic is a fast-food chain that started in the town where i (and a certain man named Brad Pitt) was born, Shawnee, OK. i know they don't have them *everywhere* in the country, but there are about 3,500 Sonic Drive-In's out there in america. i've heard a lot of people who are not from Oklahoma say that they dislike Sonic. "it's too greasy" is one of the main complaints i hear. however, i think it must be that if you are from Oklahoma, there is something indoctrinated in you to love Sonic, and i certainly do. it's one of the things i will miss the most if we do move overseas.

now, let me give you a little background info on myself. i have been anti-onions for my entire life. hated them. hate hate hate hated onions. even if they were chopped up teensy weensy and mixed in with other things i could always detect them. i didn't like the taste and i didn't like the texture either. i've spent a lifetime of special ordering things at restaurants to be without onions. i've gone out of my way to avoid cooking anything with onions in it (which is a LOT if you think about it.) however, my dear sweet Sonic Drive-In is pretty well known for their onion rings. i've smelled them so often over the years and they smell so good, but what was inside all of that fried glory, but a flipping onion!!! it was torture to always be smelling this thing that smelled so divine but staying away from them because of my enduring hatred for onions. well, a few months back, i just couldn't take it anymore. i was going to try *a* bite of a Sonic onion ring. i'm not sure why i decided that day that i would stray from my usual fried side-dish of cheese tator tots, but i did and i have never looked back. Sonic onions have converted me. ME! who spent a lifestime special ordering and making faces over onions has now been converted into an onion ring addict. they are just so gloriously delish. now, don't get me wrong, i still don't want onions covering everything i eat, but for the first time yesterday i did NOT omit the onions from a recipe i was trying out. i think i can safely say that i have turned a corner. if there is a sonic near you, get thee to it and order yourself some onion rings. if you tell me you don't like them or Sonic, well, i'm not going to say that we can't be friends, but it will never go to the level it could have. the only thing that i *can* safely say is that i'm sorry for breathing in your direction and i'll try to keep mints or gum on me from now on to camouflage my new found addiction.

thank you Sonic, for helping me through to power of deep frying to see the error of my ways.

Because like magic, they become entirely different dogs regularly.

( Magic transformation! )

I was quite unproductive this weekend. Which is nice and everything, but it means I now have a full day of cleaning and laundry ahead of me. Lol, I mistyped and wrote, "... a dull day". Guess it's time to crank the tunes and get this house into tip-top shape.

I wish the grocery delivery people would hurry up and get here as we're sorely lacking fruit this morning.

( to do )

Jake called out earlier, from the kitchen, "I'm making a Cheerios sandwich!" I was like, uh, and went to see, and sure enough he was pressing individual cheerios, one by one, into pieces of bread and when they were each coated he stuck them together and ate the entire thing. Then he made another one. "Is this good for my body?" he asked me, halfway through #2, and I replied that it was pretty good for energy and but he needed some fruits and vegetables for vitamins and meat or nuts or eggs for protein. "Ok, I'll have a banana and some cashews next", he said, and did. Note that he can take down a bowl's worth of cereal, 4 slices of whole grain bread, a banana and a handful of cashews, as a snack between meals o_O

Last week he followed me into the bathroom, shut the door, locked it, and then told me, "I did that because I know you need privacy!" as he sat down on the edge of the tub with a smile.

I just realized I forgot to say here that MY CAT CAME BACK. Almost a week ago now. I wrote about it on facebook and then made a phone call about it. She is no longer in heat, is puking more than usual (like every other day instead of once a week) and is being super affectionate, all of which leads me to believe we will have kittens. I'm experimenting with a raw food diet for the cats...tons of research into cat pregnancy and kittens led me to it and it really makes sense on a lot of levels. They love it, too.

I went to Starbucks with Ananda today, and asked her to ask me whatever she wanted as we sat together sipping. We do this sometimes - well, her and Aaron and I - the "ask me anything" talk. I feel like I'm very open with them and available, yet there is ALWAYS something they think to ask then as though they've been sitting on it. She asked "what is the story with Nadia". Nadia, her 11 year old cousin, who is a crack baby and is severely bipolar and schizophrenic and in and out of the psych hospitals and rehab places. So I told her those things, with lots and lots of explanations (she already knows what crack is and that Aunt Mindy has had a big problem with it) and we went through some examples of things Nadia has done that flesh these definitions out. Like how when Oma's foot was broken for months, awhile back, it was because Nadia broke it during a manic rage. And how they only put her in the hospital for her own safety, because she'll, say, JUMP OUT OF A MOVING CAR on a main road when she can't control herself. And how none of it is her fault and sometimes medicine can help with these extreme mental illnesses but it's very hard to find the right one for someone's individual body. Ananda was surprised by some of it, but very interested in everything I said and seemed satisfied with the answers. She seemed to feel bad for her, but more for Patrice, her twin, who has to deal with her either being a bit crazy or dissapearing for periods of time. Then she also wanted to know what "Noel" means :p

I had the most amazing conversation on the phone, with my father in law. I was wondering if any of our old Christmas stuff was still over there, and inviting him to dinner next Sunday, and he asked about Christmas presents for the kids. "Is Annie still riding that same little old beat up bike?" "Yeah", I answered, and he said, "Well, that's easy then, I'll get her a bike." WHAT?! And yeah, while he's at it, he'll just go ahead and get one for Aaron who's outgrown his rusting mongoose and Isaac who's never had a bike, too. Uh. THAT IS FUCKING AWESOME. I mean damn.

It really made me happy.

He's also on board to pitch in for the collaborative Christmas present I'm organizing for Grant, which I am really excited about on his behalf.

Grant is starting the night shift tomorrow at his job - 4pm-1am - which means a few things.

Bad:
-He loses a lot of the probability of promotion and advancement that he has there now
-He loses most of his social interaction, some of which he REALLY digs - there is a lot of joking around and prank wars and whatnot, at his work, and he can't get enough of that
-it will not exactly help us to ever get on a more "normal" schedule, though I've about given up on that with every kids' activity and church service ever being in the evening...

Good:
-no more commuting traffic, which helps with his stress as well as shaving over an hour off his total time devoted to that job per day
-WAY LESS overall stress, like hugely so, because he'll be there working on projects and things when almost nobody else is there, rather than rushing around with everyone else as support calls and emails pour in during the day with the boss standing over them freaking out. He has a noticeably calmer temperament when he does evenings there, you can SEE the tension draining away
-he will have to stay late way less often, thus reducing his total hours worked on salary quite significantly
-HE WILL HAVE TIME DURING THE DAYS FOR SIDE WORK!! So, hopefully, assuming several other factors fall into place, we can gradually start pulling ourselves out of this crazy deep hole we're digging right now

Which would be freaking awesome.

---

I cut pieces for and then sewed almost half of a quilt top I planned out yesterday, while this sat open, just now...Grant was on the computer coding while I sat nearby on the floor puzzling over symmetry and then had the occasional sewing machine snafu - it was a lot of silence with mutters of "Well damnitt what now" or "Why is that..." followed by smatterings of keys or thrum of motor and needle.

I don't have "an ending" so...the end :)

Today, we got the dogs new winter jackets from Chilly Dogs, which are gorgeous and very functional.

We also got an ear muff.

Then the dogs had to put them on.

( Hee hee )

Some...progress? COULD THIS BE PROGRESS?

Today Bob and I had a frustrating, semi-effective conversation wherein I reminded him of looming deadlines, pointed out how much time he wasted, and attempted to get him to list places he's gone to for work and what the status of each was. It came out that he has not filled out any of the apps him and Frank got several days ago or went online to look at any of the places that had told him to apply online/print an app. I outlined a couple of paths he needs to persue if he wants to actually make something happen and get to stay here, and then we kind of broke for lunch. I called Laura and ended up talking to Frank about how frustrating this can be, and THAT ENDED when Frank took him out and basically FORCED him to not only walk into but follow through at a bunch of places...he did things like shake managers' hands and introduce himself politely, and sit at kiosks to spend the 45 minutes doing the application processes, and filling out paper apps right there to immediately hand back to people...this is a leap for him - and one of these places might ACTUALLY MIGHT HIRE HIM, and I made him a (free) Tuesday at 1 appt with my friend the life coach and found out the details about a position at the zoo that he's interested in. And the details of their volunteer program. I told him I was proud of him for going out on a limb today, he like shaved and brushed his teeth and crap like that while Frank was on his way over.

He has a SPRING IN HIS STEP THIS EVENING. He was like, smiling and junk. Stuff might happen in his life. He might have his own things going on. SHEESH.

I am thankful for feeling like I've had St Jude intercede in yet another seemingly impossible cause, and that I have something of a support system to work with for him and don't just have to feel on my own with him. And that he was chipper and offering to grate cheese for me in the kitchen and crap like that.

CHIPPER, do you hear me?! CHIPPER!

Previously by St Jude:

-My Nana's doctor tells my mom and Pa that they basically need to assisted suicide pull the plug and let her die. I pray. The woman starts feeding herself and using her previously dead arm again. She's at home now and standing for increasing periods of time.
-After many years of hopeless frustrating nonsense I start to lose it with my food addiction and after many months of nothing working...I pray. I find Eat To Live. 26 pounds fly off in 2 months.

Anyway yeah, I'm starting to think there is something to this Patron Saint business, go on and think I'm hokey.

---

In other, anti-climactic news, I ate whatever the hell I wanted today and need to get that back under control.

Also it's time to get on the dial prayer style about our finances because, uh, this is getting kind of scary.

I wish my scratchy throat and periodic cough would go away. I do too much reading aloud to tolerate this much longer. Tonight I read Aaron another chapter of Hatchett, Ananda 2 more chapters of Skylark, and Isaac, Jake and Elise 6 different little kid books of various lengths. I like doing it but I could really do without the hacky throat clearing voice dissapearing bs. Also my stomach bulges a LOT more when I'm coughing frequently, it does terrible things to my hernia.

I am planning big Christmas things for my husband and big Blessingway things for my pregnant sister - it all makes me happy.

Two long phone calls with very helpful friends I can call on make me happy.

I need to water all my kitchen plants before they're all dead. It is a near thing.

I realize that very few people are deeply and unspeakably interested in my unfinished basement.

I also don't care.

So, here, have some basement pictures!

( Basement pictures and discussion of choices. )

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we magically found the camera located in the box entitled 'camera'. A shocking place for it to be!

So, you officially have some random house pictures and some random dog pictures, but no random bird pictures yet.

( Pictures of random! )

We are deeply immersed in the Christmas season.

A few days ago, it was St Nicholas day, and Isaac and I read books about St Nicholas that led to aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall kinds of conversation, and set up our whole nativity set, just the two of us.

Last night, the kids and I went to a big Tree Lighting the city put on - it was outside in a park with a bandshell and involved choir and dance company performances from local schools as well as Santa Claus and all the free candy canes people could eat, followed by a hugely projected movie we all sat around on blankets and in camping chairs to watch (classic Rudolph). It was pretty fun - we saw some adult people we knew and a few of my older kids' friends were there for them to run around with, and Grant was able to join us for the movie part.

Tonight, we went to St Louis for their Family Adoration Ministry, which aside from adoring the blessed sacrament involved prayers, singing and everyone bringing the Baby Jesus part of their nativity sets to be blessed, which my kids thought was awesome. Ananda and Aaron were pestering me about when we were going to get to go do this 5 times a day since we heard about it during Mass on Sunday morning. They were actually all eager for turns holding it on the way up and back, Elise was clutching this porcelain infant to her chest and kissing it's head the whole way up in the van. This was another "Grant met us there right after work" event.

A and A pooled their money to get a 3.5 foot (live) table top tree the other day when we were grocery shopping. Last year I scored this box of about 30 bird ornaments, all clear, white or frosted glass, in many different shapes and types - for $10 with shipping, from eBay. So this tree is on our bar is the bird themed tree, with white lights. We just decorated it tonight. This is as opposed to the large main Christmas tree we have in the library, which my mother was kind enough to buy for us, and is 6', covered in colored lights and hodge-podged crafted ornaments (mostly tri-bead-on-pipe-cleaner candy canes, and actual candy canes googly eyed and pipe cleaner'd into looking like reindeers).

I am loving Advent this year. And I'm glad we're getting a lot out of it as a season, because Christmas itself is going to be so different. Grant has to work Christmas Eve, we're not going to Nana and Pa's, and we can't afford "big" Christmas presents by any stretch of the imagination...we kind of can't afford any, but I had already done a lot of shopping before our biggest financial woes hit (sounds ironic, doesn't it?).

It's like;

Annie has a cuorduroy owl tote bag; black tights with peace signs on them; a boxed E.B. White book trilogy, as well as 2 single books (Henry and Beezus and a very well done Rapunzel, after her middle name); a (costume, cool) owl necklace; a nightgown that matches a smaller one we got Elise; a robe like she's been asking for; and these felt letters that spell out her name that I've finally finished, to hang by her bed.

This is about the level everyone is at; Aaron's getting a couple of Choose Your Own Adventure books; this small plaster molding kit; a set of wooden brain teasers; a couple of clothing items; and a love letter pillow like he's always wanted, made by me - his will be a star shape, in shades of green and black. Isaac has a big floor puzzle of a castle; some flashcard type game I know he'll like; 3 different books including a ladybug one, a bunch more Pooh stories by an alternate author, and Walter the Farting Dog, which he will DIE over; and the flowered vine he wants for over his bed, crocheted by me.

I wasn't going to list everyone's but since I'm down to it, we have a Scholastic video set for Jake (he LOVES those Reading Rainbow style "about a book" dvds), a little boxed set of mini-Eric Carle books (he also loves tiny books), along with a vintage copy I got used of The Gingerbread Man; a bowling set; and a blanket made by me. For Elise - an outfit; sunglasses; tiny adorable purse; Tale of Jemima Puddleduck by Beatrix Potter; tiny boardbook about birds; nightgown that matches Annie's; waldorf doll made by me. Everyone gets flannel pajamas on Christmas Eve to wear to bed, and a wooden robot made by Daddy in their stocking.

So I know that is awesome, and Grandparents will be gifting too, but I am a little dissapointed because I really, REALLY wanted to get the three oldest kids bikes and there's just no way, now. A and A have really outgrown theirs and Isaac has never had one (non-trike) - we do a LOT of bike riding. There aren't really going to be "big" gifts.

There are a lot of good new things to replace good old things, like Nana and Pa's and Big Gifts, though...extra church services and Midnight Mass, extra driving to see lights, extra trees in our house (we scored a mini fake tree for ONE DOLLAR at Goodwill awhile back for the little kids' room, so now both kids' rooms have 2' trees in them covered in crafted candy canes). Grant is also using some stored up paid vacation time immediately following Christmas, to give each kid a day alone with Dad, and that is something that seriously makes them FLIP.

---

Alright. I just spent like 2 hours out on the couch in the tv room with Aaron, who sometimes ends up awake in the middle of the night while everyone else sleeps, and then we get this amazing time just the two of us. We read the first 3 chapters of Hatchett, stopping often to talk about everything it made him think, while wrapped up in his blanket together on the couch with his cat on top of us. I'll let him sleep in tomorrow...

Random stuff from my sleep-fogged brain:

-We cut Jake's giant awesome fro off today. It was just too much, hanging in his eyes and getting big flat patches. We found some matted clay in it last night? I mean, really... Mostly, he was asking us to cut it everyday. I was really sad initially but he LOVES his "regular" haircut, now. I ended up trimming Isaac's while I was at it, and I'm glad to say I've gotten way better with the clippers and tapered lengths and haircuts that make sense...

( My Brother...this got long and ended the whole bullet point format completely )

Yesterday I was outside and I noticed a bee in the pool. It was swimming around in circles, trying to get out, but couldn't. So I grabbed the net, which is on the end of a long pole, and went to scoop it out so it could dry off and be okay. As I put the net in the pool it fell of, and the poor bee was still swimming around, and in the 30 seconds it took me to fish the net out with the pole it had stopped swimming. I ended up scooping it out and blew on it to help dry it off, and it started breathing and moving its antennae, and I let it be at that point.

I went outside this morning and it was just lying where it had been. Dead.

I'm more upset about this than I should be. I feel like I failed because I was there, trying to get it out while it was still moving around, and if the damned net hadn't fallen off it would have been fine. But now it's not. :(

I forgot to mention this at the time. I got a letter last week from CPS saying that my case, the one opened by the doctor at the psych ward in August, is now closed. Happy holidays to me, I get to keep my children!

Stupid dick of a doctor that thinks I'm a danger to my kids. Shove it up your ass.

Hours of work and a ridiculous idea that came to me months ago... our Yule card:




( And outtakes )

This is going to sound like a shameless "I'm so great", but really it's a shameless, "She's so great".

Mark it on the calendar: yesterday was the first day Marika had a full blown teenager 'tude blow up over a rule we laid down. ( Mom-ish gushing )

Anyone want a cool toy and help our holiday fund this year? I'm selling my Palm Pilot (z22) now that I have an iPhone. ( ON HOLD - thanks! )

Not much going on today.

I sorted through a huge box of old clothes and managed to pull out some stuff that will fit Dallen and Tayne now, as well as Siahna. I have a few more boxes to go through but I think I might save that for another day. I have a lot of stuff to do today already.

I noticed about a month ago that Siahna has all of her teeth, save for her 2 year molars.

Speaking of her, she keeps getting into the recycling and transferring it to the regular trash can. Driving me batty.

Eating lately is making me feel sick, every single time. I can't eat anything without pretty much instantly feeling like I'm going to puke.

Morning sex = win.

Random question - when you eat a baked potato, do you eat the potato skin?

( to do )